Dream Jobs

I’ve always had a lot of “dream jobs.” And I’ve always been crazy jealous of people who know exactly what they want to do with their lives. My problem is that there is A LOT that I want to do and life doesn’t last that long… or money. Because in true Sam-form, most of the things I want to be require quite a bit of start-up cash. Story of my life.

Tornado Chaser

I’m seriously obsessed with tornadoes. Of course, I’m still afraid of them because I’m not effing insane, but I am still the kind of person that will sit outside and watch one. Hey, when it’s your time to go… you know the rest. I watch an unhealthy amount of tornado-related documentaries and movies. And back in March, The Weather Channel had TORNADO WEEK! You people can keep your Shark Week. I’m going to be Helen Hunt one day and chase down an F-5.

Librarian/Bookstore Owner

I can’t think of anything more peaceful than to be surrounded by books all day. I’m totally going to be a librarian when I’m old and have book readings/tea parties everyday in the summers. I’ve been working on my best Professor McGonagall, Amelia Bedelia, and Ramona and Beezus voices for years, and I’m almost there. Plus, lifting boxes of books all day is great strength training. One day I’ll have skinny, toned arms just like Gwyneth.

Motivational Speaker 

I like motivating people, I guess, but I really just like attention. And I love talking about myself. Seriously, it’s like the best job ever.

Radio DJ

A morning radio show preferably, and though the early mornings would take some adjusting, I can’t think of a better job that combines my love for comfortable attire, talking, and pop culture. And look how well it worked out for Ryan Seacrest? I’m pretty sure he owns Hollywood by now, and I think I would make an excellent successor to his throne.

Actress

This should come as no surprise to anyone that knows me. Obviously I’m destined for fame and fortune. However, I’m incredibly lazy. Thus, I plan on pouring my heart and soul into one or two projects, get a niche, and live forever on my reputation and piles of money.

President

This one is irrational. I really only want to be the Commander of the Free World. And make people call me The Commander of the Free World. Or maybe Madam Commander of the Free World.

The First Lady 

This is totally a job! Do you think that Michelle Obama just sits around the White House eating kale and low-fat cheeses? No way, Jose. Her social calendar is hella busy, and I want it. We don’t have royalty in this country and being the First Lady is the closest I will ever come to becoming Kate Middleton. But let’s be realistic, this will never happen until our country becomes progressive enough to have a First Lady that swears a lot and has an unhealthy obsession with Ryan Gosling that she fully intends to act on regardless of her marital status. And people are so uptight.

Obviously, my life is going to be super busy. If you have any connections that will help me to hook these positions up, holla atcha girl.

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4 thoughts on “Dream Jobs

  1. Welcome back! I’ve been wondering where your blog posts have been! What a great one today! My personal favorite is Librarian/Bookstore Owner! Excellent choice! 😉

    • thebiggitybigblog says:

      Hi Isabella! So sorry for my absence! This yearbook will be the death of me! I’m glad you liked it! 🙂

  2. Haley says:

    Radio DJ?? Pure brilliance! I would wake up just to have you brighten my day every morning or to have you make me really uncomfortable in the car during my commute by trying not to laugh out loud and get judgmental stares from passing traffic. I’m going to email Kidd Kraddick and petition you have your own segment. In reference to your previous post (about friends) you are flat out hilarious even with out trying so don’t stress it Sista!

    • thebiggitybigblog says:

      I seriously adore you Haley. ADORE. I can only be a Radio DJ if you promise to be my co-host!

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