I’ve always had a lot of “dream jobs.” And I’ve always been crazy jealous of people who know exactly what they want to do with their lives. My problem is that there is A LOT that I want to do and life doesn’t last that long… or money. Because in true Sam-form, most of the things I want to be require quite a bit of start-up cash. Story of my life.
I’m seriously obsessed with tornadoes. Of course, I’m still afraid of them because I’m not effing insane, but I am still the kind of person that will sit outside and watch one. Hey, when it’s your time to go… you know the rest. I watch an unhealthy amount of tornado-related documentaries and movies. And back in March, The Weather Channel had TORNADO WEEK! You people can keep your Shark Week. I’m going to be Helen Hunt one day and chase down an F-5.
I can’t think of anything more peaceful than to be surrounded by books all day. I’m totally going to be a librarian when I’m old and have book readings/tea parties everyday in the summers. I’ve been working on my best Professor McGonagall, Amelia Bedelia, and Ramona and Beezus voices for years, and I’m almost there. Plus, lifting boxes of books all day is great strength training. One day I’ll have skinny, toned arms just like Gwyneth.
I like motivating people, I guess, but I really just like attention. And I love talking about myself. Seriously, it’s like the best job ever.
A morning radio show preferably, and though the early mornings would take some adjusting, I can’t think of a better job that combines my love for comfortable attire, talking, and pop culture. And look how well it worked out for Ryan Seacrest? I’m pretty sure he owns Hollywood by now, and I think I would make an excellent successor to his throne.
This should come as no surprise to anyone that knows me. Obviously I’m destined for fame and fortune. However, I’m incredibly lazy. Thus, I plan on pouring my heart and soul into one or two projects, get a niche, and live forever on my reputation and piles of money.
This one is irrational. I really only want to be the Commander of the Free World. And make people call me The Commander of the Free World. Or maybe Madam Commander of the Free World.
The First Lady
This is totally a job! Do you think that Michelle Obama just sits around the White House eating kale and low-fat cheeses? No way, Jose. Her social calendar is hella busy, and I want it. We don’t have royalty in this country and being the First Lady is the closest I will ever come to becoming Kate Middleton. But let’s be realistic, this will never happen until our country becomes progressive enough to have a First Lady that swears a lot and has an unhealthy obsession with Ryan Gosling that she fully intends to act on regardless of her marital status. And people are so uptight.
Obviously, my life is going to be super busy. If you have any connections that will help me to hook these positions up, holla atcha girl.