Hi, y’all. I’m happy to admit that I didn’t have an awkward encounter with Ryan Gosling.
So lucky, right? I mean, who wants to run into their ex-celeb crush whom they’ve loved intensely since his role as a seductive, teen murderer in “Murder by Numbers?” Certainly not me. That’s just crazy.
So, I lucked out there. And it’s Thanksgiving week!
Now, I’m not a huge fan of Thanksgiving because at some point in the history of our fair land it was decided (by men, obviously) that Thanksgiving was a synonym for hours spent watching football. I do, however, greatly enjoy the Black Friday, Small-Business Saturday, and Cyber Monday Deals.
But, despite my apathetic attitude toward football, I’m still thankful.
I’m thankful for God, my family, and friends. I’m thankful to be a Texan, employed, and free.
Shallow things I’m thankful for:
1) Online shopping. I love people, but I’m easily annoyed and a borderline misanthrope. Thus, I’m not a huge fan of crowds. Online shopping sustains my addiction while maintaining my sanity.
2) Steve Madden. Love you, boo.
3) Twitter. Obviously.
4) Harry Potter. I don’t label myself as a nerd. I don’t do Comic-Con. I don’t play video games. But I LOVE HARRY POTTER. Like an intense, unfailing love. I’m not sorry.
5) The US Men’s Olympic Swim Team. Le sigh.
Things I’m not thankful for and should cease to exist:
1) Westboro Baptist Church. I am a Christian and was raised Baptist. So I know both of these things. You people are neither. Stop being hateful freaks. (It should be noted that none of the following even compare to how much I despise this one.)
2) Nickleback. I’m sure you’re lovely people, but you make terrible music. Do us all a favor and break-up. And Chad, I’m glad you finally cut your hair. And you have nice teeth. But you have no musical ability.
3) JNCO pants. WTF. Seriously? Why do these even exist? And stop trying to bring them back. They’re dead. Leave them that way.
4) Toll roads. I know this one is kind of ridiculous, but I’m always late paying my toll bill and then have to pay an obscene amount in late fees. It’s a problem, and if they didn’t exist, I wouldn’t have the problem. See how that works?
5) Extremists. Just calm down, ok? There’s passion and then there’s crazy. You’re crazy. And taking it all too far. This goes for extremists about everything. Except maybe cake extremists. I don’t see how that could really hurt anyone.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!